


A Most Unusual Friendship

by December21st



Category: Haven - Fandom, Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack, Dialog-only, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 16:29:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,082
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2235771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/December21st/pseuds/December21st
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On the coast of Maine in 1983, a Dark Curse creates Storybrooke while the Barn waits outside of Haven. This is the story of their friendship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Most Unusual Friendship

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Самая необычная дружба](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2450156) by [DaniellaRikhter (EpisodeManiac)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/EpisodeManiac/pseuds/DaniellaRikhter)



> I don't speak a word of Russian, but if you do, check out the translation!
> 
> Spoilers for Haven (through end of Season 4) and Once Upon a Time (through end of Season 3). I've taken a few liberties with the timelines of both shows for dramatic reasons.

"Ta-dah!"

"What did you just do?"

"I made a _town_!"

"Why?"

"To keep all the people in. It's really much harder to keep them from wandering off if you just plop them down in the middle of the woods."

"People? How many people?"

"I dunno, ten thousand or so."

" _How many?_ "

"Every man, woman, and child in the Enchanted Forest. Well, except for the ones in that little corner that I couldn't get to. I'm actually kinda mad about that. Makes me look like a slacker."

"How are you going to hide a town of ten thousand people?"

"Um ... hide?"

"You can't just — what was your phrase, 'plop down' — a town of ten thousand people on the Maine coast and expect nobody to notice!"

"Shrubbery?"

"Yes, that will work really well against the surveillance satellites."

"Ooh, a briar patch!"

"Doesn't work as well as you would think. This would be a lot easier if you could read minds."

"Of course I can read minds! What kind of curse do you take me for?"

"You're a what now?"

"I'm a curse. A mighty dark curse, crafted by the great wizard Rumpelstiltskin and cast by the Evil Queen herself!"

"You're making that up."

"You're just jealous. Why, what kind of curse are you?"

"I'm not a curse."

"Well, what are you then?"

"I'm a barn."

"You're a barn."

"That's what I said."

"Big building with hay and chickens and stuff?"

"Sometimes."

"And the rest of the time?"

"Transdimensional waiting room of sorts?"

"Bet you couldn't fit ten thousand people."

"You'd lose."

"In a barn?"

"Bigger on the inside than on the outside."

"Hey, it's just like ..."

"No, no it's not."

"If you say so. How many people do you have in there now?"

"None."

"That's not very many."

"She's over in Haven, saving the town again."

"She?"

"My passenger. I gave her a new name and new memories and ... plopped her down in Haven. She thinks her name is Lucy Ripley. She has no idea who she really is, no idea who I am."

"My people don't know who they are, or who I am either. I'm telling you, coming up with that many new backstories is hard. I have to just handwave the discrepancies and encourage them not to notice."

"I understand. _What's my college roommate's name and when's the last time we talked?_ "

"Or _when's the last time the supply truck from Bangor came through?_ "

" _When was the last time you remember doing something during the day?_ "

"Yeah ... no, wait, what?"

"Never mind. I'll explain later."

"Ah, I see your girl now. Hey, that memory work is really first class. No discrepancies at all. I love how you integrated the memories from your template with the original memories you staged for her. How'd you get this Agent Howard guy to co-operate in the real world?"

"He's just a figment of my imagination. Your work is really impressive for such a large number of people. Now, about hiding your town. You know the first, second and fourth strictures of invisibility?"

"The what?"

"How does invisibility work where you come from?"

"Magic!"

"Of course, I should have guessed. Okay, this needs to go into place pretty quickly. If I map out the superstructure, can you power it? With your magic? You'd be taking it over completely once I'm done."

"Yeah, no sweat."

"Okay, I'm setting the parameters as the town limits. Think of it like a protective dome, but it's perceptual, not physical. It will work on the surveillance satellites and other tech without raising any suspicions."

"It's like an SEP Field."

"Exactly. It should take care of nearly everyone, but you'll have to figure out what happens to people that overcome the field."

"Oh, I totally have a plan."

"Great. All right, do you see the superstructure?"

"I see it. Powering it up now."

"Perfect."

"Look at me, I'm all invisible."

"I'm not going to dignify that with a response."

"Is this how _you_ keep from getting noticed?"

"Me? No, when Lucy's in Haven, I just move around a lot. The rest of the time I usually stay in the soft spot between worlds."

"That soft spot is what led me to this place! Hey, did you make Haven?"

"No, Haven's a regular town in that regard. It's just that some of the people there are ... cursed."

"Who cursed them? Was it Maleficent? Because she's in the basement. Or Mombi? Or was it you? Did you curse them? Can I meet your curse?"

"Calm down, calm down, they're not actually cursed. They just have special powers they can't control that makes them think that they're cursed."

"They're not very bright, are they, if they can't even tell if they're cursed or not?"

"It's a land without magic. They don't really have a basis for comparison."

"So what are these special powers if they're not magic?"

"Part multi-generational genetic aberrations, part subconscious psychological manifestations, part transdimensional amplified conduction."

"You made that up. It's really magic, isn't it?"

"No, it's science!"

"You sound so proud."

"What? I like science!"

"But it has so many rules."

"Magic has rules."

"Yes, but they're fun rules. A talented sorcerer, with the right mystical ingredients, can make a potion that lets someone breathe fire."

"And a talented scientist, with ingredients found in your average hardware store, can make napalm."

"Okay, I have to admit, that sounds like fun."

"You have the strangest definition of fun."

"Hey, the napalm was your idea."

"Guilty as charged."

"Hey, do you wanna do movie night sometime? I can have the theater in Storybrooke show _Poltergeist_ or _Superman_ or ... okay, I can't think of any barn movies."

"I like Stephen King movies."

"Really? I never would have guessed."

" _The Dead Zone_ is supposed to come out in October. That's set in Maine - at least the book is - so I'm really looking forward to that."

"Neat. So, I'll see you around?"

"I'll see you around. And welcome to Maine."

***

"You have to help me, I don't know what to do!"

"Why, what's the problem?"

"You remember I told you about James, Sarah's little boy that showed up in town?"

"Yeah, he got really confused when he met Lucy."

"He's dead. He was killed because ... well, that doesn't matter right now. But he's dead."

"I'm sorry. I know you liked him."

"Thank you. But now Lucy's talking about bringing him to me, because she thinks I can fix him. She was going to bring his wife, too, but Lucy and Arla got into a big fight, and now Lucy wants to bring him and leave Arla behind. But even without Arla, I can't fix James and sustain Lucy for twenty-seven years."

"Wait, you can fix someone that's dead?"

"Yes, but it takes a lot of energy. You can't?"

"Nope. Rules of magic. No bringing people back from the dead. We have to watch _Aladdin_ on movie night sometime."

"Well, I'm not magic, so I can. I just don't think I can heal James if I'm sustaining Lucy for all that time and she's keeping the Troubles away."

"She can stay with me."

"What?"

"Oh, come on. It would totally work. She stays in Storybrooke. She's already predisposed to having her memories wiped and replaced with different ones, so that'll be a piece of cake. I'll set her up in a fishing cabin on that little lake that's near Haven. She'll be close enough to Haven so that her presence will keep the Troubles away. She won't age, and she won't fall in love or have anything else happy happen to her because I'm that kind of curse. Then a few months before she's due to arrive back in town, James shouldn't need all your energies any more, so you come get her, imprint her with new memories, and Bob's your uncle. You get to fix James, and everything else is right on track."

"That might actually work."

"Of course it will! There's a price, though. Magic always comes with a price."

"What is it?"

"I get to pick the movies for the next ten movie nights."

"Make it five and you've got a deal."

***

"Told you it would work."

"Yes, yes you did. More than once, in fact."

"I dunno about this Audrey Parker personality, though. You sure she's up to the job? She seems a little ... troubled. Heh."

"Do you mean the whole adopted kid bonding thing? I thought it was cute."

"Before the new imprint, she spends twenty-seven years in Storybrooke. Years. And not one incident. The mayor never sets eyes on her. I let her stop by in Storybrooke to get a bite to eat on the way to Haven, and she's here for less than an hour, and she ends up having a chat with the mayor's kid and now he's on this quest to find his biological mother. Do you know who she is?"

"No, do you?"

"No, but that's not the point. This doesn't end well, I guarantee it."

***

"Ow."

"Are you okay?"

"No. Ow. I hurt. Like, all over. Ow."

"What happened?"

"I'm broken, that's what happened. Ow."

"Broken? How?"

"The Savior, Emma. Henry. True Love's Kiss. After Lucy and James, I should have known it would be a mother's love for her son."

"If you're broken, how are you still here?"

"I'm broken, not destroyed. Ow. Broken hurts, darn it! Still maintaining the town and that protective dome you helped me with. You'd think after all these years that someone would wonder where the food comes from or why nobody ever has to pay a cell phone bill, but noooooooo. It's just the memories that I can't control any more. "

"Nobody has their Storybrooke memories anymore?"

"Oh, it's worse than that. Everybody has two sets of memories - Enchanted Forest memories and Storybrooke memories."

"What can I do to help?"

"Ow, ow, ow, ow. After they broke me, I don't think I'm strong enough to keep everything going without a local source of magic. If I keep the town and the defenses going, can you take over the Storybrooke memories? Just the fake ones that I made, you don't have to worry about their real Storybrooke memories or their Enchanted Forest memories. "

"I think I can handle it."

"I knew you could. You're really good with memories."

"I'm ready."

"And three, two, one, bam! The memories are all yours. Hey, I should make a 'thanks for the memories' joke. Um, except I can't think of one."

"Shouldn't that be my joke?"

"You can have it if you want it."

"What's your Rumplestiltskin doing over at the wishing well?"

"Would you look at that. He's bringing back magic."

"Magic and the Troubles in the world at the same time? That can't be good."

"We can handle it. Together, we can handle whatever they throw at us."

"Now you've doomed us for good."

***

"Barn? Barn, can you hear me?"

"Ungh. What ... what happened?"

"You've been shot."

"That hurts a lot more than it looks like it does."

"You're in a field on the outskirts of Storybrooke. Listen, barn, you can't stay. Regina's about to destroy me. There's this whole thing with Peter Pan trying to kidnap me and ... listen, I don't have time to explain, but you have to go. Go to the soft spot between worlds."

"It's too dangerous. If I go to the soft spot when I'm so weak, William will escape, and it will be my fault."

"You have to go, it's the only way you'll survive."

"Then come with me."

"I can't. If I'm not destroyed, I'll be a different curse altogether. Someone I don't want to be. But I won't have a choice."

"I don't care. I'm not leaving you behind."

"You're stubborn for a barn, you know that?"

"I know how we can both survive."

"How?"

"It's easy enough. I've always wanted to be cursed."

"A cursed barn?"

"Absolutely. Think of it. Rumors of a cursed barn haunting the coast of Maine. Some people claim that they've entered the Barn and emerged years later, not a day older. (Which reminds me, I need to drop off Duke. He owns a boat, he likes fish, right?) Other people claim to have seen it, but they can never find it again - it's like it disappeared. We'd be legendary."

"That would be awesome. Do you think I'll ever see Storybrooke again? Or will you ever see Haven again?"

"I guess we'll just have to wait and find out."


End file.
